The official 'JOKE' thread

[Zaniac]

Note: Please keep in mind this is an all ages forum and think twice about what you post. Try and keep it PG, & no Racism

[Zaniac]

As im a Kiwi, im going to start us of with a sheep joke before you all flog us


An Australian was walking along a country road in New Zealand when he saw a farmer going at it with a sheep.

The Aussie yelled, "You know, mate, back home, we shear those!"

The New Zealander looked around frantically and said, "I'm not shearing her with no one!"

[Jester]

Three Aussie blokes are driving home from a hard day working at the kangaroo husbandry instutute when they come across a sheep stuck in a fence.
The first bloke has a good look and says to the others "Gee mate, i wish that was Miranda Kerr .."
To which the second bloke replies "Hmm, I wish that was Lara Bingle ay mates .."
The third bloke looks at the other two, thinks for a bit and replies " I wish it was dark."

[Shatzen]

A horse walks into a bar, The bartender looks at the horse and says
"why the long....... penis"

[sarasin]

My wife just came in and said, "I don’t know if I am coming or going."

I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you’re going, ‘cuz when you’re coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!"

[Ed Paris]

A cement mixer collided with a prison van. Be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

[geminimech]

A ham sandwich walks into a bar.... The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, we don't serve food here."

[kooper1980]

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both drink like there is no tomorrow. eventually the giraffe passes out pissed so the man puts on his coat and goes to walk out. The bar owner shouts "hey, you can't leave that lyin' there". The man replies "its no a lion its a giraffe!"

[Zaniac]

@sarasin, lololololololololol

You win, close thread

[dripstep]

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint, this little tiny lizard comes up to him and asks "what are you doing?" The monkey explains that he had a hard day and is unwinding and invites the tiny little lizard to join him. They get lit, and the little lizard points out that he's gotten very thirsty, and needs a drink. The monkey points to a river in the distance, and sends the little lizard on his way. When the tiny little lizard gets to the water and starts drinking, a huge crocodile swims up and demands to know what the little lizard is doing. The lizard explains that he was smoking with a monkey, and needed some water. The crocodile doesn't believe the little lizard, and heads off into the forest to take a look. When he gets to the bottom of the tree the monkey is in, he yells up to him "what are you doing up there monkey?" The monkey looks down and sees the huge crocodile and says "shit dude, how much water did you drink???"